Only recently, I posted about my reading someone else’ private blog. Can I help it? I hope I could. But prying someone else’s life is tempting. At first it was curiosity of wanting to know something, truth perhaps. It ended with the discovery that words are “just words”. Sometimes those sweet lines we read could cause heart ache (big time) and doubts. Doubts which we tend to ignore but exist deep within.

I once believed that a missing piece has finally been found. But, now I question the idea. Has it been found? Do we really search for that missing piece in the first place? How come we believe we have found it and then later on, we find it … the second time, third time ... again and again?!

Sweet lines. Does it make sense in the end? Does it really matter?

No one completes one person but himself. There is never a missing piece. These missing pieces are creation of our boggled imagination. There is no missing piece. We complete ourselves. No one else can.

As No one fits just right.

Life is not a song, life is not poetry. Life is reality and, reality is… it sucks most of the time.

be like the flowing river,
silent in the night.
be not afraid of the dark.
if there are stars in the sky, reflect them back.
if there are clouds in the sky,
remember, clouds, like the river, are water,
so, gladly reflect them too,
in your own tranquil depths.

manuel bandeira

The story is about a little wave, bobbling along in the ocean, having a grand old time. He’s enjoying the wind and the fresh air – until he notices the other waves in front of him, crashing against the shore.
“My God, this is terrible”, the wave says. “Look what’s going to happen to me.”

Then came along another wave, it sees the first wave looking grim, and it says to him. “Why do you look sad?” The first wave says, “You don’t understand. We’re all going to crash. All of us waves are going to be nothing. Isn’t it terrible?”

The second wave says, “No, you don’t understand. You’re not a wave, you’re part of the ocean.”

How many times did I pray
You'd find me
How many wishes on a star
Gazing off into the dark
Dreaming I'd see your face
Safe at home unafraid
Captured in your embrace

So many times
When my heart was broken
Visions of you
Would keep me strong
You were with me all along
Guiding my every step
You are all that I am
And I'll never

It was you who first believed
In all that I was made to be
It was you looking in my eyes
You held my hand
And showed me life
And I've never been the same
Since you first believed

There were times
When I'd thought I'd lost you
Fearing forever was a dream
But it wasn't what it seemed
Placing your hand in mine
You could see in the dark
You were guiding my heart

"there were times when i'd thought i'd lost you. fearing forever was a dream..."

Dream of Me

Let me sleep
For when I sleep
I dream that you are here
You're mine
And all my fears are left behind
I float
On air
The nightingale sings gentle lullabies
So let me close my eyes

And sleep
A chance to dream
So I can see the face
I long to touch
To kiss
But only dreams can bring me this
So let The moon
Shine Softly on the boy I long to see
And maybe when he dreams
He'll dream of me

I hide beneath the clouds
And whisper to the evening stars
They tell me love is just a dream away
A dream away

i so love this song

it was a cold december night, a drive home from where we had our dinner. one of the rarest occasion where we hide from reality. 1210 am as the car clock says. we were driving at 20 kph. silence. not with the usual song playing in the radio while we have our endless conversation. as the stop light turns red, he held my hand. not a word from either of us. i can hear my heart beat. i can hear his breathe. his hand held mine tightly as if to tell me the things he couldn't say. as if to tell me not to ask the questions he cannot answer. as if to tell me to just stop and just be in this moment. it seems wrong. it might hurt someone, probably me more than anyone yet i held on. waiting for that day. those dark eyes will haunt me forever

just another attempt of a vignette, nothing personal

seems it didn't belong to me in the first place

they say that to be successful and happy one must leave the baggage of the past behind. i totally agree! the thing is, i have totally forgotten nightmares of my past yet i can't seem to move on from discovering someone's past. internet is awesome, i saw old pictures not worth discovering and yet, it is ruining my days! silly, eh?

... somebody needs a little attitude change here...
"if you are interested is positive progress, success and happiness, you have to give up the baggage of the past and get on with life. one thought that makes it easy to throw away: it can never be changed. more energy should be devoted to living in the present with the acute awareness of our goals and to designing the future. forgive and forget with caution."

it was a mixed of science discovery and history for me; a visit to manila oceanarium, SM discovery and fort santiago. what a perfect way to spend a weekend! educational, eh?

"until the day that Korea becomes One"

"it is crazy to put on a brave face. trying hard to keep up the facade. if we can't tell each other our problems then who can we tell?"

watched i-witness last night, the feature documentary for their anniversary special was about filipinos in new york.. homeless, that is.. to quote -- "stark evidence that not everyone in America has achieved the American dream". they do not have the job to support their living.

Teddy, a Filipino in New York said something like: "there is no difference in living in a palace, in a condo or in a box (he was sleeping in a box in a cold sidewalk) as we all feel the same pain, the same heartaches and feel the same happiness as well."

Across the street, people are busy watching the lit-up windows and shop fronts, checking items in the night market. A woman with tied hair wearing cream pants and red knitted shirt, is carrying two large shopping paper bags, crossing to the opposite side of the road. She walks along by a restaurant named Serendipity with the smell freshly baked bread and aroma of brewed coffee. She was drawn to enter and then it occurs to her that this is the place where he first saw him. This is the place where they would spend hours of conversation, laughing, and sometimes just reading or studying. Hers is a book in literature while he solves his mathematics and physics problems. It has been 10 years from today. Everything was beautiful music back then.

She thought, why not? She had drive out here now and chances like this may never come again. She walks in and settled herself in a couch in the corner. Just for another little peek of this place, just her.

she woke up late and quickly prepared herself. nothing to think of but the journey ahead of her. driving her car in a ride that seems endless. she stopped at a coffee shop and bought a latte. and she started walking...

in nowhere's land. where bird and the wind is singing like an orchestra, a little loud that she could barely hear herself think. she stopped in the mountainside, amazed of the wonderful view in sight. the ground was soft, covered with layers of fallen leaves and pine cones. the towering trees tinted the sorrounding from the clear blue sky. "what a lovely sight & life this is" she said.

just when it was beginning to get dark, she walked back. stopped at the same coffee shop and grab another latte.

driving, she noticed the trees now by night darkened the heavens. the stars are twinkling or winking at her as if to share another secret: the art of enjoying solitude. she got her phone and called him... "i've got to move on. i've got to be on my own. goodbye."

you have to say goodbye with the same care as saying hello. you never know when you will be back. as for me, i never go back at all.