blanca-thiSandThat

been years, what might have been?

another life reminder that i am human. sigh.

persistence, patience, unselfishness

rejection, insult, admiration

it's been more than three months but the pain is still there. how can someone hurt the person who faithfully loves? how can a weird feeling ruin something beautiful? and i thought we were strong. and i thought we love well.
i still cry myself to sleep.
if this is not meant to be, please don't prolong my agony.

i'm in the crossroad

i've kept a letter to keep me in touch with reality, to be always on my toes. some people don't change no matter how hard you pray.

06.19.11

happiness, extreme sadness, love, extreme love, fear, hurt, self pity, excitement, peace, uncertainty, certainty, denial, betrayal, longing, comfort, security, satisfaction, embarrassment, pride, confidence, strength, anxiety, jealousy, helplessness, reassurance, friendship, courage, faith, hope ... and the list goes on.

as the list goes on, life goes on as well.

we’re only human, we’re allowed to make mistakes, we're expected to accept mistakes, we’re allowed to wallow in our hurts. We can cry. But we just have to keep going. we actually have no choice but to keep going. Although at one point, i thought of giving up on life.

life is beautiful and GOD is good all the time. In Him, nothing is impossible. In Him, there is no darkness.

Life is a non-stop roller-coaster ride, a continuous reassessment of priorities and values, and the one and only chance we have to be the best us that we can be.

It is important that we don't hurt anyone in our journey, and we forgive those who hurt us and set ourselves free from prison.

Live. Laugh. And always always LOVE well.

i couldn't answer the questions my father asked me.

letting go of all anger, betrayal, pain.

i'm still my Papa's girl.

while thinking of giving you the dose of your own medicine, i can't even tried thinking. the thought of blocking you off was too much already. how can you do this to me?

one last look

just one last time looking back to all the incidents which crushed me

thank you for giving me a reason to smile again. it's not about being "taken away" because that's totally BS. it's about concern and care.

more than anything, i only want to be loved wholeheartedly. i want somebody who can be proud of me.

05.30.11

contrary to what i wrote yesterday, I wish I didn't know. I wish I didn't have to know the truth. I should have just believe in the reality that I knew, in a bubble of reality I created - I wish I didn't burst that bubble and know the real story, because right now by confirming my fear -- it is getting the best of me. I want to run away and face danger.

yesterday i said that I accept the truth with grace and calmness despite the inevitable pain. i didn't say anything. i didn't voice out what i knew. i forgive him. and i forgive myself.